What is this thing between us?
by JLCH
Summary: In a perfect world, this is what could've happened. Takes place the evening following the events of "One Day, One Room". Cuddy visits House at his apartment. Given the events of the past few weeks, she's concerned about him and wants him to trust her and open up to her. What happens is something neither of them expect.


**A/N:** One-shots rock. So many great episodes we can play with! Dedicated to the lovely, talented and witty MystryGAB and DrDiagnostic, two wonderful gals who kept us fulfilled with one-shots during Allthingsdecent's vacation :)

Takes place after the events of One Day, One Room. Cuddy goes to visit House at his apartment, hoping he will open up to her.

* * *

House sat at the piano, his long fingers gliding effortlessly over the keys. Suddenly he heard a knock at the door. Looking at the clock, he noticed it was eight-thirty. _It can't be Wilson_, he thought. Wilson was still mad at him for the whole Tritter mess. House got up from the piano and limped over to the door and opened it. To his surprise _and_ delight, there stood one sexy, blue jean-clad Dean of Medicine.

"House."

"Cuddy."

"Well now that we've established that, are you going to invite me in?"

"I don't know, are you here to talk shop? Yell at me? List my punishments for the next year?"

"No, I…I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"My phone's working."

Cuddy stood there with a hand on her hip, frowning at him.

House raised an eyebrow at her suspiciously. "You never just want to see how I'm doing."

"Contrary to popular belief, I'm not a crue andl heartless bitch."

"Never said you were."

"It's implied."

"Always. Come in."

Cuddy entered the apartment, took a look around trying to gauge if anything had changed since last time she was there. The apartment was surprisingly clean and orderly. House noticed her looking around.

"The hooker's hiding in my closet," he said. "I can let her go now if you're willing to pick up where she left off."

"I'm sure," she replied, rolling her eyes.

"You want something to drink?" He asked.

"Well, I know you don't drink tea, do you have coffee?"

"I've got beer."

"I don't want beer. I want coffee."

"That would require me to make some."

"It would."

"Geez, woman." House went into the kitchen and began brewing a pot of coffee.

Cuddy wandered over to the piano, touching a few of the keys while glancing over at the numerous papers on top of it, filled with handwritten notes and lyrics. She was always fascinated by his interest in music.

"What are you doing?" He asked from behind.

"Nothing."

"Are you _touching_ my piano?"

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"No, I just wanted to know if you were touching it."

"I was just looking."

"Coffee will be done shortly." House took a seat at the piano and resumed playing; the notes were light and playful. He closed his eyes and asked, "So...why are you really here?"

"I'm worried about you."

House stopped playing and looked at her. She stood there, beautiful but frowning. He took in the way she fit perfectly in her snug lavender v-neck sweater and jeans. Her hair was down and caressed her face in soft waves. The light bounced off her highlights. He hadn't noticed them before.

"Did you do something to your hair?"

"What?"

"You've got highlights."

"House, focus."

He began playing again. "I am," he said. "You have great hair."

Taken back by the compliment, she simply said, "Thank you." She sighed leaned against the piano, watching him play. She began to second guess herself for being there.

As if he sensed what she was thinking, he asked, "Again, why are you here?"

"I...I just wanted to make sure you're okay. You've been through a lot lately."

"Why do you care so much?"

"You're a valuable asset to the hospital," she said leaving the piano and walking over to one of his overstuffed bookcases, perusing titles on the shelves.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Hmm. That'd be fine if you weren't lying."

"What are you talking about?" She turned to him, leaning on the bookcase.

"Cuddy, you lied under oath, you put your career and reputation on the line...for me. I need to know _why_."

"House, not everything in life needs to be turned into some puzzle for you to solve."

"I like puzzles, they intrigue me. _You_ intrigue me."

"I am _not_ a puzzle and there isn't one here. Why is this so important to you?"

"I just need to know!" He said loudly, pressing a little too hard on the piano keys, making a very discordant sound.

"I'll tell you when you talk to me about _Eve_."

"Eve?"

"Your patient...the one who was raped."

"Don't make this about me, this is about you. You came here to see me."

"Why do we do this?" She sat on the couch and let out a sigh. "Jesus, House, we've known each other twenty years and we're still doing this thing," she motioned between the two of them with her hands, "that gets us nowhere."

"You know by now I'm not good at this."

"Aren't you tired of it? I mean doesn't it get old to you?"

House didn't reply, he just started playing again. Cuddy sighed in desperation, she thought tonight of all nights, after he'd helped Eve open up about her rape, maybe he'd open up a little about himself. Seeing that they were getting nowhere, she rose from the couch.

"I think I better go."

"So soon?"

Cuddy grabbed her coat and headed for the door. House watched out of the corner of his eye. He didn't want her to go but he was afraid to ask her to stay. Suddenly he blurted out, "You haven't had your coffee."

Cuddy stopped her hand on the doorknob, ready to turn. She didn't want to go, but she was afraid to stay. "It's okay, it's kinda late anyway."

She paused one more time, heard him continue playing, and opened the door with a heavy heart. As she stepped out she heard him.

"Cuddy, wait!"

It was music to her ears.

"Yeah."

"Don't leave."

She turned to him. "Are you sure?"

"Look, you know I'm not good at talking. I just don't know…what you want from me."

Cuddy closed the door softly, took off her jacket and laid it on the back of his couch and walked over to the piano, leaning on it. "I just want you to talk to me. We used to talk, remember?"

"That was a lifetime ago."

"It doesn't have to be."

"Everything's changed, we can't go back."

"We don't have to go _back_; I just want us to be friends."

"You don't think we're friends?"

"Are we?"

"Cuddy, there are only two people besides my mother and my Aunt Sarah who can stand me. One of them is pissed off at me right now and the other is standing in my living room."

Cuddy smiled. "I just never knew you thought of me that way."

"Don't let it get around." He smirked at her and raised his eyebrows.

Cuddy walked around the piano over to the bench. "May I?" She asked. He scooted over and made room for her and he began playing again. Cuddy just sat there watching him relate to her all the things he could never say verbally, but could only convey through the music. Suddenly, he stopped and looked down at the keys.

"My dad and I never got along."

Cuddy turned to him, totally surprised by his admission. "What?"

"You wanted to know earlier today what I said to Eve to get her to talk. She wouldn't talk about what happened unless I told her something about myself."

"Okay."

"He'd push me to be like him, wanted me to be tough, a Marine, but I didn't want to be like him and he hated it, he hated me."

"I'm sorry."

"No reason for you to be."

"What about your mom? Did you get along with her?"

"Mom? She was great. Taught me to appreciate good things like books and food and...music. She tried to be a buffer and stand up to him. The son of a bitch loved her so he'd back down...sometimes. But she couldn't always be there."

"What did he do?"

"Not important."

She laid her hand gently on his arm. "House, please don't shut me out."

He looked at hand on his arm, took a drink of his scotch, swirled it around in his mouth and swallowed. "He was a disciplinarian, all about rules and order. Told me someday it would save my life, make me a better man. If I got home after curfew; he'd lock me out of the house and I'd have to sleep outside. In winters well it was pretty fucking cold. If I mouthed off to him it was ice baths. Didn't eat everything on my plate, he'd make me sit there all night until I finished it. If I didn't eat it, he'd put it away for the next day."

"Did you finally eat?"

"One time I refused to do it. It was summer, no school for me and he wasn't on orders so he was always around. I didn't eat for three days. Finally, my mother convinced him enough was enough and he threw it away. He was pissed I got my way _that time_. Don't worry, he made up for it."

Cuddy was too stunned for words. Instead she left him continue talking and while she wanted him to talk, she wasn't sure what to do with the information. House opening up to her like this was very new to her and she wasn't sure how to respond. She tried to process things quickly. House caught on to her.

"Cuddy, quit thinking so hard."

"It's just…the way you've acted around your dad all these years, I knew something was up, I just had no idea."

"You sorry you got me talking?"

"No. Never. This is what friends are for House."

"How can you be friends with a guy who torments you like I do?"

"I've known you a long time, I remember what you were like before your...leg."

"I've always been a jerk."

"Yeah but back then…when we first met, you were…less...abrasive."

"Pain changes people."

"I know it does." She always felt guilty about his pain, knowing it was her fault. Trying to change the subject a bit, she said, "Thank you for what you did for Eve."

"Why are you thanking me?"

"She was in a lot of pain and you opened yourself up to her to get her to talk. That was huge. You may have changed her life for the better."

"I'm no hero, Cuddy."

"I never said you were. Why can't you accept that you did a good thing? You went outside of your comfort zone to help a total stranger by revealing an intimate part of yourself. That took courage, House."

"She said she could sense something about me, that I hurt too. Can you imagine that?" He laughed and took another drink of his Scotch. "Everyone knows I don't feel a thing."

It hurt her to hear him talk like this, as if nobody cared about him, as if he was an unemotional, soulless human being. She knew better. "Oh House, those of us who care about you, we don't think that at all. If anything I know for a fact you feel more than most people do. You just hide it really well. People don't give you a chance-"

"Because I don't let them," he said interrupting her.

"Why?"

House sighed, tapping a few of the keys. He looked uncomfortable. "Not worth the trouble."

"That's such a load of crap."

"How do you know?"

"Because I _do_. You don't let them in because you don't want to get hurt. You think if you don't have to count on people, don't have to trust them, then you can't be let down, you can't be hurt. The thing is House; you do count on people, at least Wilson...and me. You need us, you trust us."

"I don't need anyone."

"Yes, you do. Wilson and I have bailed you out of mess after mess."

He stood up suddenly and limped away from the piano over to the middle of the room, putting distance between them. "Nobody asked you to do it!" He exclaimed.

"I know," she replied, just as loud.

He pointed his cane at her. "You keep bailing my ass out, then I resent you for it, and then you resent me back, it just keeps going full circle."

"You resent me? When all I did was try to help you?"

"Again, I never asked you."

"House, you don't have to ask, I know you want my help. You needed it."

"How do you know? Have you ever asked me what I want?"

"If I did, would you tell me?"

Her question took him by surprise. "I don't know," he said quietly.

She walked over and stood before him. "House, if I had to do it again, I would. I'd lie on the stand to save your ass from prison and I'd...I'd do everything in my power to save your life." She saw he was looking right at her now. She knew that he knew what she was referring to...his leg. While she felt guilt about her part in his disability, it saved his life and she would never be sorry for that.

"House, you may not think you're worth it, but I happen to think you are. I just wish things...between us didn't always have to be so hard."

"Why are you always saving me?" He asked, still staring down at her with clear blue eyes. They were so close now. "And don't tell me I'm your hospital's biggest asset because…I just don't buy it."

"Fine!" She yelled. "I care about you. Okay? Is that what you wanted?"

"Why was that so hard for you to admit?"

"You'll throw it back in my face and make fun of me."

"That's nothing new."

"_Exactly_. You don't let anyone care about you and when you find out they do, all you do is mock them."

"You shouldn't care about me."

"Why?"

"I'm not worth it."

"Again House? Self-pity is not your strong point."

"It's not self-pity, it's just the truth. You could do better in regards to friends."

"What if I _choose_ you as my friend?"

"Then that's your problem."

She threw her hands up in the air, exasperated. "You're doing it again, doing what you always do. Attempting to push me away because you don't want to admit how you really feel."

"And how do I feel Cuddy? Since you seem to know so much more about me than I do."

"You care about me."

"Why are we talking about this?"

"I just want to know…I want you to trust me. Haven't I shown that you can count on me?"

"I've learned I can't count on _anyone_."

Cuddy let out a gasp as if she'd been slapped in the face. She was hurt and he knew it. All she'd done for him and he _still_ didn't trust her. She stomped away from him and went into the kitchen. He heard rustling in the cabinet then running water. When the faucet was turned off, he thought he heard a sob. He closed his eyes and silently cursed himself for hurting her again. He knew he owed her an apology but he believed he was doing her a favor by protecting her from him.

Cuddy stood in the kitchen drinking a glass of water, tears falling down her cheeks. She put the glass down and placed both hands on the counter in front of her as she quietly sobbed. _Damn him,_ she thought. _We were making some progress, why does he do this shit?_ Suddenly, she felt his presence behind her and the hairs stood up on the back of her neck.

"Cuddy," he said softly, "I _do_ care."

Without turning around she said, "Then why can't you just admit it? Why do you play games with me? It hurts."

"I'm sorry." He reached his hand up to caress her hair but stopped himself. He wanted to touch her, God did he want to touch her. But he was afraid. If he did, things might never be the same. He couldn't afford to lose what they had. He needed her in his life in some capacity because if she wasn't there at all, he knew it would kill him. He heard her breath deeply.

"House, since the moment I met you in college, there was something there. I still cared about you when you left school, when you were with Stacy and even when you…told me I'd suck as a mother." She stared straight ahead at the wall in front of her as she spoke. "I can't explain why through all the shit we've been through, I feel for you the way I do. You and me, we're so...I don't know, we're just...we can't find with anyone else what we have together...this thing we have between us, it's this amazing, unexplainable connection."

House stiffened at the mention of what he'd said to her about motherhood. God, he'd been in so much pain, he hadn't meant to hurt her, but he did. He was always too ashamed to apologize to her.

"I'm sorry for hurting you. Sometimes the pain...it just hurts and I want to take it out on someone...anyone."

Cuddy relaxed a little, still not having the courage to face him. "Thank you."

"Cuddy, I can't risk…what we have now. If we get too close..."

Finally, she turned around and they were face to face again. She felt his eyes could see right through her and strangely it comforted her. "House, tell me what we have now. Tell me what this is because _I need to know_."

"We...work...well together. You give me boundaries, you challenge me, and you make me see things rationally when I need it. You...keep me grounded." He looked down at the floor.

She smiled at him, though he didn't see it.

It was his turn now. He looked up at her. "What about you? Besides driving you crazy..."

She fidged with her watch as she spoke. "I'm so used to routine and order and you...you showed me it's okay to color outside the lines occasionally." She laughed. "You're fun and witty and you keep me on my toes and there are times I feel like things are just falling apart, that my life is just one long and lonely day after another and you come along and make me crazy and I feel invigorated and energized. You make my life crazy but you keep me from going crazy."

"You are so screwed up," he said shaking his head. "You should be running as far from me as you can. What kind of crazy fool would be happy about someone making their life miserable?"

"I don't know, I just know you don't actually make me miserable. Well, you do when you hide yourself from me, when you shut me out, but when you're just you...like this, when you're crazy and witty and honest, you just...I just love it."

They stood there, House leaning on his cane, Cuddy leaning against the counter.

"So now what?" He asked.

"I don't know. But House, you don't have to go through life alone." She took a step towards him, only a few inches separating them.

"It's worked well for me so far." His voice was softer now, he was towering over her.

"Has it really?" She asked.

They leaned towards one another. House raised one hand to her cheek and caressed it lightly while she closed her eyes and melted into his touch. He moved in close and kissed her, first on one corner of her mouth, then the other. Ever so gently, he brushed his lips against her cheek and she shivered. They opened their eyes and looked at one another. Cuddy smiled and House grinned back at her. His eyes were as clear as she'd seen in a very long time, they actually looked as if they were smiling. He closed his eyes as he gently kissed her top lip, then the bottom, and she parted her lips slightly to tease him. He ran his tongue around her lips and her tongue. Their mouths parted wider, deepening the kiss, this time he had his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him. Cuddy ran her hands over his bare arms, feeling the strong biceps under his tee shirt. She moved her hands up to his neck, scratching at his nape and moaning into his mouth. They kissed like this for several minutes, not able to get close enough to one another. Finally, they broke apart panting, both desperately in need of air.

"Wow," said Cuddy. Her face was flushed, lips swollen and her hair mussed. House looked much the same.

"What was that?" He asked.

"I don't know but…I want to do it again."

"Are you sure? Because...you need to be sure. If we do this, it changes everything."

"House, we are both so screwed up; I don't think anyone else wants us. It's either do this or..."

"Yeah...I know," he said softly, as he reached for her waist, pulling her to him again and kissing her with everything he had. They had no idea where this would lead them, but right now, opening up to one another, trusting, and being in each other's arms, it was a good start.

* * *

Well...I'm all for one-shots, I think they're invigorating and fun to write. Hope you enjoyed this! Thanks for reading. Please leave your comments.


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